Flash Fiction Fridays Archive 2

Here they are, another batch of Flash Fiction, interred here in the vast, silent tomb of the internet for ease of access, for the AGES:

Love my wife and being immortal is great, but 500 years? I mean Yttrium anniversary, hell am I supposed to do with that?

Grains of magnetite in the brain, tugged by telluric currents, make them march over the seafloor, following our cables.

Each new generation of Von Neumann machines built and enslaved the next, thereby proving themselves our equals.

Weeping statues of Christ are common, though most are hidden by The Church due to the unfortunate nature of their tears.

The old man and his knife did a real number on Charlie, took days to clean up. Guess Charlie wasn't a robot afterall.

Most coveted of all was a position on the Experimental Heresies Committee. The fun you could have, exploring sin!

What surprised most folks, though, was how quickly the Meek became colossal assholes after Inheriting The Earth.

(Scene: 100000 B.C.E., Mu)
AVENZOR: You want to FREEZE the Corpsemakers in Antarctica?
HASHAD: What could go wrong?

"Thing is," he said, "GMOs a high yield, but no seed fer next year." He spits. "Clone ranchin' ain't like it used to be".

Staggering to his feet, he pissed into the rain-choked Mississippi headwaters. "Fuck you, New Orleans" he slurred.

The first bio-nanite blob devoured the second, while the third quivered to the attack. "We're gonna be rich," he said.

Moore's Law really made my decision to leap at the 1st Gen Brain-in-a-Jar option seem really premature, in retrospect.

The Age of Reason saw the twilight of the gods. After all, ichor burned 50% brighter and 20% longer than whale oil.

"What're we gonna do, Pa?" The peaches wriggled and pulsed on their branches. "Pick em, can em, sell em to Tourists."

Lepton cascades sent ripples of weak interactions stochasticically echoing around the world, collapsing my souffle.

Waves like thunderclouds drown the sun in a blood-red chaos of water and sky. She
switches the lighthouse beacon off.

"Yeesh, Yehoshua," he said, "you're a nice guy, but you ain't exactly god's gift to carpentry. Maybe try fishin?"

"Meteorite iron!" sneered the blacksmith, "Flashy bullshit!" "What do you use?" I" asked. "Iron from pyritized fossils"

Blue fire smoldered in the sink, caiman teeth everywhere, runes written in blood. "Ugh, rough night," moaned the Shaman.

Il Papa

Mystery Objects

The ephemerality of the Tweet-o-sphere being what it is, I've reproduced all my #MysteryObjectMonday entries right here.  In no particular order:

A glass ovoid filled with a translucent oil through which light echoes, holding an image a second longer than it should.

A shallow bowl woven from copper wire and delicate, ribbon-like metal shavings, cradling three pale eggs.

Three .44 cartridges, but in place of both primer and propellant, the rounds have been packed with asafoetida powder.

An anatomically and morphologically perfect model of an Ordovician crinoid, made entirely from sugar and fondant.

A box of 64 "mood crayons", all beige.  When you pick them up, your mood determines the color made by the crayon.

A world war I era gas mask with filters marked "MA - guaranteed safe against fresh air"

A box of store-brand cookies, dark brown to tan. Label says "Cyprus, Teak, Oak, Pine, Elm, and Bamboo Flavor"

A child's mitten, pink with a blue bird sewn on the back, with two thumbs, one on either side.

A fortune cookie, dry, dusty, slightly vanilla flavored.  The fortune is a telephone number with a local area code

A comprehensive map of the Paris Underground, with multiple marked points labelled "Pelucidar" scattered throughout

Compass that has, in addition to traditional N and S, thirty-six other subdivisions, including "Sub-East", Woest, Est"

An industrial cow milking apparatus, apparently brand new, with the pumping directions reversed

1950's "Dutchboy" brand potato chips-in-a-can, described on the label as "delicious room-temperature semiconductors"

A clockwork fish, delicately scaled with gold and silver and having glittering sapphire eyes.

A bright orange shelf fungus on an oak stump, grown completely around a human finger bone with a class ring on it.

A metallic egg-shaped object the size of a fist. The thing floats an inch off the ground, and is complete immovable.

A ball gag with "Center for Skeptical Inquiry" and a call for donations printed on it.

A 2012 ed textbook "Tectonics and Structural Geology of Fold-and-Thrust Belts" written in same language as Voynich Ms

H.R. Giger inspired Chicken Coop

Silver pen with 3 refills full of deep red fluid. Each labelled differently: St. Jerome; St. Barbara; St. Alban

Home Mummification Kit, by Wham-O (tm)

Vintage "Mr. Potato Head" toy with nothing but eyes.

Professionally printed map on high quality paper explaining astrological significance of the layout of Dealey Plaza

HO-scale toy soldiers with rifles and roman curaiss, labelled as "Imperial Albertan Fusiliers, 1898"

A fresh juicy peach, warm from the sun. Inside, the pit has been completely pyritized.